Ep. 1 - Destinations Transcript

00:00:04 Anthony

Hello everybody, my name is Tony.

00:00:08 Brian

I'm Brian.

00:00:10 Anthony

And today we're just going to be talking.

00:00:12 Anthony

A little bit.

00:00:12 Anthony

About how to know what your destination is.

00:00:15 Anthony

And how to get there?

00:00:24 Anthony

How is your day going today, Brian?

00:00:26 Brian

Ah, days going well, it's been productive.

00:00:28 Brian

It's been filled with connections with people and going well, how about you?

00:00:32 Anthony

It's going great. What's one

00:00:34 Anthony

Thing that you did today that made your life a little bit better or more fulfilling.

00:00:38 Brian

Good question.

00:00:39 Brian

I would say spending time with my family.

00:00:41 Brian

Yeah, just connecting.

00:00:42 Brian

How about yourself?

00:00:44 Anthony

Today I had.

00:00:44 Anthony

The chance to go into a we work and just sitting there and just writing I think was super fulfilling.

00:00:51 Anthony

It's something that I I'm passionate about and I feel like gave me a lot of.

00:00:55 Anthony

Energy, so that's one.

00:00:56 Anthony

Thing that made my day.

00:00:57 Anthony

More fulfilling

00:00:59 Brian

Love it, so why don't we just

00:01:00 Anthony

Jump right in?

00:01:01 Anthony

Why don't you go ahead and kick us off?

00:01:03 Anthony

How do you know what your destination is?

00:01:05 Brian

It's a great question.

00:01:06 Brian

I think when I hear the destination, I think about what makes a life worth living and how do we decide what's the destination

00:01:13 Brian

We want to get to? For me, constantly checking in with my day to day where I want to be? Am I aligned with my values? and those are some big things that I like to kind of go back to and just make sure that the decisions I'm making about where I want to go in the future.

00:01:26 Brian

Align with where I am right now and where.

00:01:28 Brian

I want to be. How about you?

00:01:30 Anthony

So that's kind of interesting.

00:01:32 Anthony

I'll get back to what I think there, but.

00:01:34 Anthony

I think it's kind of interesting how you you.

00:01:36 Anthony

Kind of talked a.

00:01:37 Anthony

Little bit more about your present life.

00:01:39 Anthony

More than focusing on.

00:01:41 Anthony

Where you're going

00:01:42 Anthony

In the future, so it almost sounded like you were saying that in order to know where you want to go.

00:01:50 Anthony

You need to be constantly evaluating.

00:01:53 Anthony

What you're doing in the present.

00:01:55 Brian

Yeah, a huge part of life is you only live life in the present moment.

00:01:59 Brian

Futures in the past or ideas and we can only experience them in the in the moment right now.

00:02:05 Brian

Otherwise they're just stories we tell ourselves about what's going to happen or what.

00:02:08 Brian

has happened so.

00:02:10 Brian

Sitting back and taking some lay of the land and figuring out alright.

00:02:15 Brian

Well here I am at this moment right now.

00:02:17 Brian

Am I living in line with the values?

00:02:20 Brian

You know those those are huge once you kind of start picking apart what you want to see happen in your life, then you can begin to start making some plans.

00:02:28 Brian

But yeah, it's all.

00:02:29 Brian

It's all about being in the moment for me.

00:02:31 Anthony

Yeah, so I mean if we are always in the moment then what even is the point of considering what your destination is?

00:02:40 Anthony

Is there a point of considering what your destination is?

00:02:43 Anthony

And where you

00:02:43 Anthony

Want to go or do you think?

00:02:45 Brian

You know, compared to maybe sailing a boat, it's important.

00:02:46 Brian

If you go out on a sailboat.

00:02:49 Brian

And if you have been on the sailboat.

00:02:51 Anthony

Maybe once or twice like years ago, like a little like I don't even know what it's called.

00:02:55 Anthony

Like a sunfish or something like.

00:02:56 Brian

There you go, yeah.

00:02:57 Anthony

That on a small lake.

00:02:58 Brian

It could be.

00:02:59 Brian

I don't know a friend who takes me out.

00:03:01 Brian

It's always.

00:03:01 Brian

A fun time.

00:03:02 Brian

We set a course or sometimes we just explore, but generally you know we have an idea of kind of where we want to get, whether it's just spending time around the sound by us or if we're going to go visit somewhere.

00:03:13 Brian

And then it's all those little things, kind of along the way where we calibrate the instruments and make sure the tools are working right.

00:03:19 Brian

And although we have that destination most of the time is spent chatting and connecting and working on making sure the boats working.

00:03:25 Brian

So we get to that destination.

00:03:27 Anthony

Yeah, I really like that analogy.

00:03:29 Anthony

It's almost you gotta steer the rudder and you gotta be focusing on steering the rudder and and moving the sail.

00:03:35 Anthony

But all that works together to.

00:03:38 Anthony

To move the boat in the direction that you want to go, and I feel like that's a great analogy for your life too.

00:03:43 Anthony

It's like you got to focus on all these different pieces about yourself and what you're doing with yourself in order to get to your destination.

00:03:51 Anthony

But that brings.

00:03:51 Anthony

US back to if you're going to have a boat, you.

00:03:53 Anthony

Should be steering it.

00:03:54 Anthony

Right, so that.

00:03:55 Anthony

Kind of brings us into the nuances of what is.

00:03:57 Anthony

Your destination, how do you know what your destination is?

00:04:00 Anthony

And how do you get there?

00:04:02 Brian

These are big questions, so let's go back to the sailing analogy.

00:04:05 Brian

There's a lot of enjoyment going out on boat reconnecting with nature.

00:04:09 Brian

Or being able to experience that moment with somebody else that I'm out with, and then there's a lot of value in the.

00:04:14 Brian

In the flip side, right?

00:04:15 Brian

And the flip side of setting.

00:04:16 Brian

A course and.

00:04:17 Brian

Being able to go somewhere new that you've never been before, or get somewhere because you have somewhere to be.

00:04:23 Brian

There's a lot of value in both of those, and I think that kind of back to the destination question of how do I know where I want to go and that's.

00:04:31 Anthony

Yeah, no.

00:04:32 Anthony

I totally I.

00:04:33 Anthony

Agree with you that.

00:04:35 Anthony

Life is lived in the present and you need to spend time just connecting with your surroundings and the present moment in general.

00:04:43 Anthony

But on a more practical level, like.

00:04:45 Anthony

Right now, where somewhere or what is something that you want to do or be?

00:04:50 Anthony

In the next, let's say six months.

00:04:53 Brian

Right?

00:04:54 Brian

Why don't we take a minute here?

00:04:55 Brian

Let's each think of something 'cause I I'd be interested to see you know, we're about a generation apart here if our.

00:05:01 Brian

If our directions are similar, if there's overlap, let's let's take a second here, Mull it over.

00:05:06 Brian

Next six months to a year.

00:05:08

OK, yeah and.

00:05:10 Anthony

Yeah, I think.

00:05:10 Anthony

That's a great.

00:05:11 Anthony

It's a great thing.

00:05:11 Anthony

Why isn't the audience as well?

00:05:13 Anthony

Why don't you all take a minute to just think about?

00:05:16 Anthony

Where do you want to be in the next six months if you could?

00:05:18 Anthony

Just appear six months into.

00:05:22 Anthony

The future right now.

00:05:24 Anthony

What does your life look like?

00:05:25 Anthony

What do you want your life to look like?

00:05:44 Anthony

All right then so.

00:05:47 Anthony

You want to go ahead and say, uh?

00:05:49 Brian

I'll kick it

00:05:50 Brian

Off, yeah I think for me I'm going to keep it simple.

00:05:52 Brian

I'm going to say my meditation and mindfulness practice will continue to grow.

00:05:57 Brian

Say I'm gonna come to it for 10 minutes a day a year from now. I'll be sitting down for 1/2 hour a day and being very mindful. I'll say that professionally.

00:06:07 Brian

I'd love to wave my magic wand and have developed.

00:06:09 Brian

A new skill.

00:06:10 Brian

Or have learned something practical that I can take and.

00:06:13 Brian

Whether that's pursuing new some new profession or a new career, I just love to be somewhere a year from now where I have a skill I can point to and say this is something new I've learned and grown from, and then otherwise just friends that will have to be maintaining the friendships and relationships I have now and working on those so they continue to bring more.

00:06:31 Brian

Fulfillment.

00:06:33 Anthony

I really like how you you kind of brought in the different.

00:06:35 Anthony

Spheres of life.

00:06:36 Anthony

You brought in your your friendships, you know your family, your professional life, your spiritual life, and I think that's super important, recognizing that.

00:06:46 Anthony

Life is multifaceted and a lot of times it's easy to hyperfocus on just one category.

00:06:53 Anthony

And honestly I think I was about to do that myself.

00:06:56 Anthony

When I think of my destinations, I think usually I'm thinking more on.

00:07:00 Anthony

The professional side.

00:07:02 Anthony

More on a career development side, which is important...

00:07:05 Anthony

That's why you have to constantly.

00:07:07 Anthony

Constantly be checking all the pieces on the boat.

00:07:09 Anthony

If you're only looking at the sail, the.

00:07:12 Anthony

Rudder isn't going.

00:07:12 Anthony

To be pointing in the right direction, you know you could have a hole in the floor and you're you're letting some.

00:07:17 Anthony

Water in the bottom.

00:07:19 Anthony

So I was going to say, you know, in six months I'd probably like to have a better internship where I'm learning more practical skills so that I could be a more hireable employee for.

00:07:30 Anthony

A marketing firm.

00:07:31 Anthony

So that's where I was going to say in the next 6 months.

00:07:33 Anthony

That's something that I would like to do.

00:07:35 Anthony

That obviously neglects other things.

00:07:38 Anthony

Like your my spiritual side, I should probably continue to meditate more.

00:07:43 Anthony

My physical side maybe working out.

00:07:44 Anthony

I think you missed working out two or eating healthier.

00:07:47 Anthony

So that's a great point for.

00:07:49 Anthony

Choosing your destination.

00:07:50 Anthony

It's a it's a lot of self evaluation.

00:07:52 Brian

Yeah, I think it's interesting when you look at the scope of what it means to be someone in society.

00:07:57 Brian

There's all these expectations about if we're well adjusted member of society, what does that look like?

00:08:04 Brian

And we have all these stories that get kind of.

00:08:06 Brian

Swirled around about.

00:08:07 Brian

Being hyper productive or being hyper successful or hyper healthy right?

00:08:11 Brian

Like all the advertisements you see if you turn on the TV or go online, they're all trying to poke at these little pieces of us and try to find these insecurities within us and all these stories and.

00:08:22 Brian

Narratives, it's interesting having grown and learned in all these new ways.

00:08:27 Brian

I look back on my learning and I just see like those bedrock relationships and the mindfulness pieces and the things that bring me.

00:08:34 Brian

You know real joy and authentic joy, and I separate those out from.

00:08:38 Brian

You know the.

00:08:38 Brian

Superficial stuff that society dictates is what is supposed to be.

00:08:42 Brian

A measure of success, and if you can truly separate yourself from those perceived successes to what really brings you value and success, I think that's a huge first victory in setting a destination.

00:08:54 Anthony

I completely agree with you.

00:08:56 Anthony

I think that it's really easy to kind of just live your life on autopilot and just go with the motions and just let yourself go down the path that is of the least resistance.

00:09:07 Anthony

And so I think that you bring up the point that it should.

00:09:11 Anthony

You should be really constantly checking to see what brings you the most fulfillment.

00:09:15 Anthony

Can make a huge difference in actually knowing where you should be headed because.

00:09:20 Anthony

That way you know what actually makes you happy, and I think that's probably the ultimate goal is to just be as happy as you can be, and I guess that's a whole different conversation over things.

00:09:31 Brian

That would be a big conversation.

00:09:33 Anthony

That would be a whole different.

00:09:34 Anthony

Philosophical conversation, but I do think that it's important to be checking what actually makes you happy.

00:09:41 Anthony

What brings you energy?

00:09:43 Anthony

What's most fulfilling to you in your life and that can help at least guide you in knowing where your destination should be.

00:09:51 Brian

Yeah, I agree.

00:09:52

Let's talk a

00:09:53 Brian

Little bit about fear.

00:09:54 Brian

I think that can play a huge role.

00:09:56 Brian

We can look at the scope of life and kind of why we make decisions or why we set destinations.

00:10:01 Brian

And I have this kind of spectrum that I like.

00:10:03 Brian

To refer back.

00:10:04 Brian

To and it's this like fear and love spectrum.

00:10:07 Brian

And on one side it's I'm making decisions out of fear and on the other side.

00:10:10 Brian

It's I'm making decisions from a place of love or confidence.

00:10:13 Brian

You can call that side whatever you want, but I think the fear one stands for me at least now in that assessment of the next six months to a year.

00:10:21 Brian

You know what bowlds is fear.

00:10:22 Brian

Play in in the way that.

00:10:23 Brian

You make those decisions.

00:10:26 Anthony

So I think fear.

00:10:28 Anthony

Fear definitely plays a role.

00:10:30 Anthony

I don't know if that's.

00:10:31 Anthony

Something that I consciously think about.

00:10:34 Anthony

No, I think I I would need to take a second to kind of think about that.

00:10:38 Anthony

I think most of my my decisions are just made out of.

00:10:43 Anthony

Honestly, I I.

00:10:44 Anthony

Would say most of my.

00:10:45 Anthony

Decisions are made.

00:10:45 Brian

Out of love all right, let's peel that layer back a little bit, 'cause I'm not sure you know.

00:10:49 Brian

I think that's a wonderful thing.

00:10:50 Brian

I'm not sure everyone probably shares that same, you know, fortunate mindset.

00:10:55 Brian

What would you say is the reason that you're making those decisions from the love or confidence or fulfilled side of the spectrum?

00:11:03 Anthony

I would say the main thing that makes me think that my decisions are love is the fact that I think they're kind of outward focused.

00:11:10 Anthony

To an extent.

00:11:12 Anthony

Of course, you need to develop yourself and and be selfish in order to be selfless, like first you got to put your own oxygen mask on first.

00:11:22 Anthony

Before you can help someone else, but I do have an ultimate goal I think of of helping other people and helping as many other people as I.

00:11:30 Anthony

Can so I.

00:11:31 Anthony

Would say that my decisions are mostly out of love.

00:11:33 Anthony

Fear, I think on that you know there's always feel fear of like not being able to support yourself.

00:11:40 Anthony

Those kinds of things and I think in that regard.

00:11:42 Anthony

I think it's important to me to have good finances, so I think that that would be something that comes up more out of fear than love would be just.

00:11:51 Anthony

Is developing my financial status.

00:11:55 Anthony

Or financial standing.

00:11:57 Anthony

But I think you know.

00:11:58 Anthony

Interestingly enough, most of my goals that seem to generate more benefits to other people are out of love.

00:12:06 Brian

That's awesome I.

00:12:07 Brian

Saw Shaquille O'Neal.

00:12:08 Brian

Quoted Jeff Bezos and said, will this help other people?

00:12:11 Brian

How much will help other people?

00:12:13 Brian

And Shaquille said that as soon as he flipped that switch in his entrepreneurship, his businesses took off and his investments to overlap that finance piece took off like.

00:12:21 Brian

They never had.

00:12:22 Brian

Before just putting those other people first and serving other people.

00:12:26 Anthony

Yeah, I think that's a great indicator and a great tool just for the listeners.

00:12:31 Anthony

I think all of you should really consider what are the big decisions in your life or even the little decisions.

00:12:37 Anthony

And are those decisions being made out of fear or love that could also be a great indicator to learn.

00:12:42 Anthony

Maybe where you might need to grow, or where you could consider.

00:12:47 Anthony

Re framing your mindset and that could help with finding a destination.

00:12:51 Anthony

Just giving you giving you some direction on where to start could be huge and getting to where you want to go or figuring out where you want to go.

00:13:00 Anthony

'cause before you can get to where you want to go.

00:13:02 Anthony

You gotta figure out where you want to go.

00:13:04 Anthony

Yeah, so let's say you you come up with something, right?

00:13:07 Anthony

You're the you just you looked at your life.

00:13:10 Anthony

You spend some time evaluating you found out that.

00:13:14 Anthony

You're making your financial decisions out of fear and you want to make them out of love.

00:13:18 Anthony

Or something like that.

00:13:20 Anthony

What do you think is the first steps?

00:13:22 Anthony

Brian, like how do we actually get from A to B?

00:13:26 Brian

I would say the idea of you know understanding.

00:13:29 Brian

Where fearful thoughts come from and how the mind works, right like just starting to study a little bit about things that's a great first step.

00:13:37 Brian

You can live life looking at the menu or you can live life eating the food right?

00:13:41 Brian

Like two different experiences and you can intellectualize a lot by.

00:13:46 Brian

Looking at the menu right like that's one way.

00:13:48 Brian

Or you can cook the dinner and have the experience of maybe making it wrong or putting.

00:13:52 Brian

The wrong ingredient in.

00:13:53 Brian

I think the question is maybe that.

00:13:54 Brian

Maybe a recipe?

00:13:55 Brian

Would be a better example than a menu, but my point is that I think that.

00:14:00 Brian

You need to start with some kind of baseline of getting some ingredients or some recipes or menu together.

00:14:05 Brian

Whatever might be right, get that background knowledge and then there's this transition from kind of learning about why do I feel fear?

00:14:12 Brian

When does fear come in?

00:14:13 Brian

Is it always at the same time you start asking these questions?

00:14:17 Brian

Kind of introspectively.

00:14:18 Brian

How did I get here?

00:14:19 Brian

Is this something that's

00:14:20 Brian

Always been here?

00:14:21 Brian

Or is it something that's new and then you can start building that menu of recipes.

00:14:27 Brian

You get the whole list.

00:14:28 Brian

OK, here's my all the things that bring fear to me.

00:14:31 Brian

Here are all the places that it's most active here.

00:14:33 Brian

Places it's not active.

00:14:35 Brian

And you can start taking that and you'd start to experience other things you could say, yeah, what if I bring in

00:14:40 Brian

What if I learn about a skill here about like another new breathing technique?

00:14:44 Brian

Put that on my menu of things and experiences that I can bring into.

00:14:48 Brian

My day today.

00:14:50 Brian

And then you can start to build on those and you start to slowly pivot away and hopefully get some momentum.

00:14:56 Brian

Away from the fear side.

00:14:58 Brian

Back to that, you know, love and food.

00:15:00 Brian

Not everyone.

00:15:01 Brian

It's not easy for everybody.

00:15:02 Brian

For a lot of people, there's a lot of things that happen in life for a lot or circumstances.

00:15:06 Brian

That might bring people to certain conclusions about life or conclusions about working with other people.

00:15:12 Brian

Or you know conclusions about anything.

00:15:14 Brian

These stories we tell ourselves then it can be hard to get out of that fear state.

00:15:17 Brian

I think there's some things out there that work.

00:15:20 Brian

There's some things that we can certainly talk about and find interesting.

00:15:24 Brian

But yeah, it's I would say about the journey and creating those experiences as a result of the learning and everything that goes into you know if you're diligent about paying attention to the learning and if you can become a learner and a lifelong learner, you can certainly improve the quality of your experience for sure.

00:15:43 Anthony

To reel that back just a little.

00:15:44 Anthony

Bit so.

00:15:47 Anthony

How do you know where you want to go?

00:15:49 Anthony

Basically just really keep evaluating your decisions.

00:15:54 Anthony

Your reflect on your daily life.

00:15:56 Anthony

Ask yourself questions.

00:15:58 Anthony

Is it out of love or hate?

00:16:00 Anthony

Build up a menu as you put it and kind of just decide whether or not you want to.

00:16:07 Anthony

Act on those things and learn from experience or learn intellectually and from what you're saying, it seems like you're kind of geared more towards actually trying these things and see if they're if they're fulfilling to you and going out there.

00:16:21 Anthony

And kind of steering your your life through trial and error.

00:16:25 Anthony

Just you know, try this.

00:16:27 Anthony

Try that learn this learn that see which ones are.

00:16:32 Anthony

Are fearful to.

00:16:33 Anthony

You and see.

00:16:34 Anthony

Which ones are out of love?

00:16:35 Anthony

Go for the ones that.

00:16:36 Anthony

Are out of love or maybe.

00:16:38 Anthony

Ask more questions and figure out why things are.

00:16:42 Anthony

Out of fear and then from there learn to kind of build a road.

00:16:45 Anthony

Map and steer the boat that way.

00:16:47 Brian

Yeah, there's some that you summed.

00:16:50 Brian

It up perfectly, that's impressive.

00:16:51 Brian

I I said a lot there and you you.

00:16:52 Brian

Got a good.

00:16:53 Brian

Good hold on that, I'm impressed.

00:16:55 Brian

I would say the only thing.

00:16:56 Brian

I would have to pick.

00:16:57 Brian

Out of there is something I want to.

00:16:58 Brian

Clear up from.

00:16:59 Brian

Like the perspective of, you know, maybe some of my learning experiences is to go back to another spectrum concept, right?

00:17:05 Brian

There's like this experiential piece.

00:17:07 Brian

And then there's the knowledge piece, and I don't think they need to be exclusive.

00:17:10 Brian

I think they kind of work together and at times you're going to flow towards.

00:17:13 Brian

Wow, this is really something that makes.

00:17:15 Brian

Feel might feel.

00:17:16 Brian

Overwhelming and I'm not ready to experience that, but maybe I did.

00:17:18 Brian

My toe via, you know studying or reading or playing around with it and then other times you've read.

00:17:24 Brian

You know my experience.

00:17:25 Brian

I've read so many books on something it's like OK, well, I I can only know so much more before I actually go out and do it.

00:17:31 Brian

So I think that that's more of a spectrum, and you know, coming from my experience, but for.

00:17:35 Brian

Someone else it might be different.

00:17:37 Anthony

Fair enough, I think that's a great point.

00:17:39 Anthony

Yeah, knowledge and actually experience definitely go hand in hand and I think you know a lot of that just comes down to your personality.

00:17:48 Anthony

Some people can can learn a lot.

00:17:51 Anthony

And maybe even learn better through reading, while some other people might learn better through actually going out there and experiencing things.

00:17:58 Anthony

I think again, all of this is a personal experience so.

00:18:02 Anthony

These are just suggestions.

00:18:03 Anthony

These are all just ideas.

00:18:05 Anthony

This is all for you to take, consider and decide what makes most sense for you.

00:18:10 Anthony

You know this is a very.

00:18:11 Anthony

It's all a very personal experience.

00:18:16 Anthony

Back to the point.

00:18:17 Anthony

How do you get from A to B?

00:18:19 Anthony

Well, you want to talk a little bit about setting goals, Brian?

00:18:24 Brian

Sure, absolutely you know we talked a little bit about the different departments or different areas of our life.

00:18:30 Brian

We can set goals in.

00:18:31 Brian

And I think they're all important.

00:18:33 Brian

I think creating a system that's great for goals.

00:18:37 Brian

So we have this broad, huge vision of what we want to see in our life.

00:18:40 Brian

So we sit down and we say OK, and let's find 5 areas.

00:18:44 Brian

We're just sitting here.

00:18:44 Brian

It's fine.

00:18:45 Brian

Five years we want to set.

00:18:46 Brian

Goals in, that are different that don't overlap, and we'll say we're going to pick a timeline.

00:18:52 Brian

So smart goals.

00:18:53 Brian

I'm sure some of you have heard of it, some of you

00:18:55 Brian

Haven't, but there's this.

00:18:57 Brian

Great framework, that's kind of overarching where Smart Goals, which is.

00:19:01

You pick a.

00:19:01 Brian

Specific goal.

00:19:03 Brian

That you can measure.

00:19:04 Brian

It's something that's attainable and realistic, and there's a timetable on when you're going to finish it.

00:19:09 Brian

Is that right?

00:19:10 Brian

Did I get that?

00:19:12 Anthony

I believe that's right, yeah?

00:19:14 Brian

OK, someone will correct me in the comments.

00:19:16 Brian

Hopefully if that's not right.

00:19:17 Brian

But we have this framework now that when we set goals we can use this framework for creating goals that make sense, right?

00:19:24 Brian

Because there's a.

00:19:25 Brian

Difference between being busy and being productive, and I think that's a huge thing, right? Like we can sit here and say in the year I want to make $100 million right now, that's great. Like it's not specific. It's not very measurable, it is measurable.

00:19:37 Brian

But you know, not in the sense of how do we get there as attainable, realistic all those things, right?

00:19:42 Brian

Like I think that's a terrible goal to set.

00:19:45 Brian

It's not a bad vision to have for what you might want to see happen in your life.

00:19:49 Brian

But when we start setting goals, you know we want to say, OK, well, I haven't made $1000 yet.

00:19:53 Brian

If I'm going to make 100 million I'll have to make my first thousand, so let's sit here and create a goal for just talking about. You know financially or career wise. My goal is in.

00:20:03 Brian

Six months I will have created some kind of project or some kind of service or product, whatever it might be that will generate $1000 by XY or Z means right?

00:20:14 Brian

And these are the ways we're going to do it.

00:20:16 Brian

So I think we start setting goals using a smart goal framework.

00:20:19 Brian

And that'll be, you know, that's the easiest way to to get going of actually seeing the results and being able to.

00:20:24 Brian

Measure six months.

00:20:25 Brian

Maybe you don't hit that goal.

00:20:27 Brian

You know not every goal you're going to hit, and that's.

00:20:28 Brian

Good, I think some goals.

00:20:29 Brian

Should be stretch goals, not the 100.

00:20:31 Brian

$1,000,000 here but the 1000.

00:20:34 Brian

Dollars could be a stretch goal.

00:20:35 Brian

Maybe you've never made any money, and that's that's a great start, right?

00:20:37 Brian

Maybe you you can easily make.

00:20:39 Brian

That, and that's not a.

00:20:40 Brian

That's not a great goal for you, but setting some goals that are a little bit challenging.

00:20:44 Brian

Setting some goals that are super challenging, maybe you know you struggle socially and maintaining friendships and relationships.

00:20:49 Brian

Is tough for you.

00:20:50 Brian

So you want to set a smart goal around maintaining relationships.

00:20:53 Brian

Maybe just connecting with someone you haven't connected for a while is intimidating.

00:20:58 Brian

You know to you, and that's something that you would say alright.

00:21:01 Brian

Well, it's going to be hard for me 'cause it's something I've struggled with in the past, but here's my plan to reconnect and not only reconnect, but maybe build a build a relationship or start working towards that.

00:21:12 Brian

So kind of knowing.

00:21:13 Brian

Which department you want to be in?

00:21:15 Brian

Let's just recap, right.

00:21:16 Brian

We have like a overarching kind of.

00:21:18 Brian

5 domains we want to set some goals in and we bring in a framework and in each of those domains we start using a framework to set goals that are measurable and we can check in on and maybe halfway through the process.

00:21:31 Brian

We say, alright

00:21:32 Brian

Well, I don't need to wait the full six months.

00:21:34 Brian

Clearly this isn't working.

00:21:36 Brian

You know how,

00:21:36 Brian

How can I modify it along the way?

00:21:38 Brian

So those are my.

00:21:39 Brian

Those are my initial thoughts kind.

00:21:40 Brian

Of downloaded here what do you got?

00:21:44 Anthony

Yeah, I like it I.

00:21:45 Anthony

I think that was all very, very important things to talk about so but just to recap the first step that we've had here, you know, how do you know what your destination is?

00:21:56 Anthony

How do you get there well?

00:21:58 Anthony

Uhm, first you got to evaluate yourself, you know look, look at yourself.

00:22:03 Anthony

Figure out are your actions out of love are

your actions out of hate?

00:22:07 Anthony

Figure out what makes you happy, what's fulfilling to you, and then once you kind of can figure out where you want your ship to go, or which direction and you kind of know which tools you're working with.

00:22:19 Anthony

Then you can start setting some goals, some smart goals.

00:22:23 Anthony

And start actually getting a timeline on getting to.

00:22:28 Anthony

Your destination, I mean your destination doesn't necessarily have to be specific.

00:22:32 Anthony

You as long as.

00:22:33 Anthony

You know, kind of.

00:22:35 Anthony

What's making you more fulfilled?

00:22:37 Anthony

That in itself is a destination.

00:22:40 Anthony

And using Smart goals actually makes it a little more.

00:22:43 Anthony

Clear cut so.

00:22:43 Anthony

Now you have you have a way to actually tangibly describe how you're going to do that, and you know you can see progress as you go.

00:22:53 Anthony

If you're creating something, or if you want to make $20,000, I don't know if you gave a figure, but in six months you want to make something or create a project.

00:23:01 Anthony

Now you can actually start tracking your progress through your smart goals.

00:23:06 Anthony

And now you're.

00:23:07 Anthony

Getting closer to your destination.

00:23:09 Anthony

So just like that, I think that sums it up.

00:23:12 Anthony

That's how you figure out what a destination is or where your destination is and how to get there.

00:23:16 Anthony

You set some goals and start working on it.

00:23:19 Brian

There's another piece that's really interesting, as we sit here and talk about it.

00:23:22 Brian

I have so many thoughts that bounce in my head.

00:23:24 Brian

But I think there's a caution here.

00:23:27 Brian

It's that when you set a goal or you have, you know some kind of you say out loud like oh when XY or Z time.

00:23:35 Brian

I'm going to accomplish, you know, a, B, or C that actually can trick your brain into believing that you've already completed the goal.

00:23:41 Brian

There's a positive and negative that there's if you can have the right mindset.

00:23:44 Brian

Here that you're going to set goals, but that's not enough for you.

00:23:47 Brian

Not just having the goal you want.

00:23:49 Brian

It to feel good.

00:23:50 Brian

That's important because it motivates you to keep going, but you have to be careful that you're not satisfied with.

00:23:55 Brian

Just having the goal.

00:23:56 Brian

It's the process that comes after it that that's where the real value is here, and it can be really easy because our brains can just be so tricked into feeling like we've set the goal.

00:24:05 Brian

It's success now.

00:24:07 Brian

I'm kind of satisfied.

00:24:08 Brian

So it's good.

00:24:09 Brian

But we have to be careful not to get tripped on it.

00:24:11 Anthony

Agreed.

00:24:12 Anthony

It can be tough the.

00:24:14 Anthony

Fear of deciding where you want to go and what you want to do.

00:24:18 Anthony

Who you want to be and how do you know that you're headed in the right direction?

00:24:22 Anthony

I think these are also kind of big questions once.

00:24:25 Anthony

Maybe you set those goals.

00:24:27 Anthony

There can be a fear of just of the future, and so maybe you have something to add on to that.

00:24:35 Brian

The human brain is a funny, funny thing, right?

00:24:38 Brian

The idea of why people.

00:24:41 Brian

Might not be ready to make decisions.

00:24:43 Brian

Right, there's a whole.

00:24:44 Brian

Whole industry, a

00:24:45 Brian

Whole science, there's a whole and then you could spend your whole life just studying one piece of that.

00:24:49 Brian

Right and often scientists will.

00:24:51 Brian

There'll be a social psychologist, or, you know anthropologists and they'll study people in very specific ways.

00:24:58 Brian

Some of the ways that kind of pop into my head.

00:25:01 Brian

First of, you know why

00:25:02 Brian

Why fear might be holding you back?

00:25:04 Brian

Brandon just kind of circles back to some of the old old standbys.

00:25:07 Brian

We've already talked about, right?

00:25:08 Brian

We have these patterns in our head that.

00:25:11 Brian

Keep us safe.

00:25:13 Brian

They say, you know, do this because it'll keep you safe and sometimes those are natural.

00:25:17 Brian

They pop up right away.

00:25:18 Brian

You don't even think about it.

00:25:19 Brian

They they're just there to keep.

00:25:20 Brian

You safe and other times it's more deliberate decision that you sit down and make a pros and cons list and maybe as a result of that there's reason to be afraid, right?

00:25:29 Brian

Like I don't think either of us are sitting here advocating make a goal, go for it and everything twice and you know, like you're going to be fine, right?

00:25:36 Brian

Like I think there is, there is.

00:25:38 Brian

A value in.

00:25:38 Brian

Fear and you know it's the classic cliche and.

00:25:41 Brian

In human development, like you know, the tiger in the Bush, right?

00:25:44 Brian

Like the humans who are afraid of the noise in the Bush, ran away.

00:25:47 Brian

Whether it was a tiger or not, and the ones who weren't, you know, checked it out and you know sometimes there's a.

00:25:53 Brian

There's an advantage of coming towards your fear and other times.

00:25:56 Brian

That that tiger is real and.

00:25:58 Brian

That's the end of your jeans, right?

00:25:59 Brian

So it's a there's a little bit of value in fear as well.

00:26:03 Brian

I think the key here is right not to.

00:26:04 Brian

Get tripped on.

00:26:05 Brian

That is, once you start recognizing that some fears are valid and some fears are not, and you know for everybody that's different, I wouldn't.

00:26:12 Brian

Encourage anyone to start examining, maybe why.

00:26:15 Brian

You have those.

00:26:16 Brian

Fears you know, and that might be a good first step for kind of breaking the spell if there's a fear keeping you from getting to where you want to go.

00:26:24

Well I have.

00:26:24 Brian

Plenty of fears that I go back to and confront and have to renegotiate from time to time.

00:26:30 Brian

Sometimes they're daily, sometimes once a year they pop up and I constantly ask myself.

00:26:34 Brian

OK, is this something that's valid?

00:26:36 Brian

Is it something that's makes sense in the moment here, or is this just something that's you know, artifact from a from Brian life at 10 years ago?

00:26:44 Brian

And I'm over time past that I've grown out of that and.

00:26:47 Brian

There's no need for this fear anymore.

00:26:49 Anthony

I don't know I.

00:26:50 Anthony

Don't know if I.

00:26:51 Anthony

Can completely agree.

00:26:52 Anthony

With that, I think sometimes I think sometimes.

00:26:56 Anthony

Asking yourself why you may have a fear or.

00:27:00 Anthony

Even in general.

00:27:01 Anthony

Asking yourself why too much can actually be crippling.

00:27:04 Anthony

I think sometimes it's sometimes that can lead to overthinking, with which I think might might hinder goals more than.

00:27:14 Anthony

Than anything else, again, it depends on the person, but I think sometimes getting too meta and getting in your own mind can actually prevent action.

00:27:22 Anthony

So I think.

00:27:22 Anthony

That's something to be aware of and.

00:27:24 Anthony

Like that again, that's that also depends.

00:27:26 Anthony

On the individual.

00:27:27 Anthony

So I think for some people, like if you know you're over thinker, then maybe it's better for you not to ask yourself why and to just.

00:27:34 Anthony

Just try it and see what happens.

00:27:36 Anthony

You know, try and push through that.

00:27:38 Anthony

I mean, I like the tiger analogy and.

00:27:41 Anthony

I agree with.

00:27:41 Anthony

You that of course there are rational fears.

00:27:45 Anthony

You, I mean you should.

00:27:47 Anthony

You should be making sure that you're not doing anything that's going to put you in harm's way.

00:27:52 Anthony

Or anything too, like brash but.

00:27:56 Anthony

In today's society for.

00:27:58 Anthony

The most part.

00:27:59 Anthony

The things that you're you may be afraid of, or that you're afraid of trying.

00:28:04 Anthony

You won't be put in any significant danger.

00:28:07 Anthony

So I think that I would lean towards saying that.

00:28:11 Anthony

It's better to push past fears.

00:28:14 Anthony

And just try things and then learn from experience.

00:28:18 Anthony

If you're afraid to go out to the store or to.

00:28:20 Anthony

Go, you know it doesn't even matter.

00:28:22 Anthony

It could be as simple as.

00:28:23 Anthony

Something as like going up and asking someone for a napkin or a cup of water.

00:28:28 Anthony

You know, there's there's all kinds of fears, and those type of things I think usually it's better to just try.

00:28:33 Anthony

And push through your fear.

00:28:35 Anthony

Get out of that comfort zone and then maybe maybe it was irrational fear and you learn that afterwards, but you know what?

00:28:42 Anthony

You'll probably be.

00:28:43

Be fine.

00:28:44 Brian

Yeah, I mean one of the.

00:28:45 Brian

Most effective therapies out there is exposure therapy.

00:28:49 Brian

The sooner you can, I believe the science.

00:28:51 Brian

Something happened in your life and that's scaring you.

00:28:53 Brian

The faster you can confront it and get back in the game sooner, you'll get over it and the less likely it is to kind of linger and create those ingrained pathways in your brain.

00:29:03 Anthony

Absolutely, and you know, I think if something scared you and you it happens to you once, I haven't see twice or even three times.

00:29:09 Anthony

By the third time comes.

00:29:10 Anthony

Around you're gonna be like Oh well I know how to handle this.

00:29:12 Anthony

I've done that already.

00:29:13 Anthony

I've done that a couple times already.

00:29:15 Anthony

So fears I think fears can be worked around.

00:29:19 Anthony

And I think from the fear of deciding where you want to be.

00:29:24 Anthony

Or the fear

00:29:25 Anthony

Of deciding your destination, that's just like.

00:29:28 Anthony

Every other fear.

00:29:29 Anthony

First, you gotta do it.

00:29:30 Anthony

Decide, decide the destination and then.

00:29:34 Anthony

If it doesn't work out well, then you gotta do it again and then if it doesn't work out, do it again and then eventually you're going to be a pro.

00:29:37

Check with this week.

00:29:42 Anthony

You're going to know you're gonna know exactly how to steal that sailboat.

00:29:46 Brian

I like it.

00:29:48 Anthony

I think that's I think that's a great way to end.

00:29:50 Anthony

Do you have anything else?

00:29:51 Anthony

To add there, Brian.

00:29:52 Brian

No, I think we're definitely not therapists or psychologists, so you know, take everything we say with a.

00:29:58 Brian

Grain of salt, yeah.

00:29:59 Brian

I love the positivity and I think that's.

00:30:01 Brian

There's some great insights.

00:30:03 Anthony

Yeah, I love the positivity too.

00:30:05 Anthony

Yeah, just we're just two guys who.

00:30:09 Anthony

We just like to.

00:30:10 Anthony

Talk about this kind of stuff.

00:30:11 Anthony

These kind of things and and read about it.

00:30:13 Anthony

So of course, take it with a grain of salt.

00:30:16 Anthony

Hope this is more of a, uh, thinking activity.

00:30:18 Anthony

It's like a think tank.

00:30:19 Anthony

I would say so.

00:30:21 Anthony

Consider what we have to say.

00:30:22 Anthony

If you like it, run with it.

00:30:24 Anthony

You don't, that's no problem.

00:30:26 Brian

Yeah, I'd love to hear everybody's thoughts too. I think you know, in a perfect world we could.

00:30:30 Brian

You know, have a community here where we'd engage with people and it's not, uh, just us two talking.

00:30:34 Brian

We'd be having discussions and other people could be apart of those.

00:30:37 Brian

And so if you have someone to say you know through a comment down, or just find a way to engage with us, we'd love to hear from you.

00:30:44 Anthony

And if you have any ideas for another episode, or if you have something that you would like to hear us talk about, let us know and we'll.

00:30:51 Anthony

We'll definitely make that happen.

00:30:54 Brian

OK.

00:30:54 Anthony

All right, and for our engagement activity.

00:30:57 Anthony

But we each share one thing that we're grateful for, and then we'll close.

00:31:01 Anthony

Off close off the episode.

00:31:03 Brian

You wanna kick us off?

00:31:05 Anthony

Let's say I'm I'm very grateful.

00:31:08 Anthony

They're just having a family that cares about me.

00:31:11 Anthony

That's that's around.

00:31:12 Anthony

No, just just having a family that's around, it's something that.

00:31:16 Anthony

I think about every day I'm impacted it by it every day and it's something that I'm.

00:31:21 Anthony

I'll constantly be grateful for so.

00:31:25 Brian

I love it.

00:31:25 Anthony

Brian?

00:31:26 Brian

Yeah, I love it.

00:31:27 Brian

Love it for me I would say obviously families in there and friends and look pops in my head when I think about being grateful is you know, second chances you know learning from mistakes to you.

00:31:37 Brian

Know circle back around.

00:31:38 Brian

I think about mistakes I've made and things I've learned.

00:31:41 Brian

Isn't just grateful that I can.

00:31:43 Brian

The people around me that have helped me through those, you know, learning experiences and looking back and having those learning experiences to move forward with.

00:31:51 Brian

So yeah, living life and all the ups and.

00:31:53 Brian

The downs

00:31:55 Anthony

I love that I.

00:31:56 Anthony

Think second chances is a is a great choice.

00:32:00 Brian

Everybody at home.

00:32:01 Brian

Make sure you think of something to be grateful for.

00:32:04 Anthony

All right, I hope that leaves everybody on a better note than we started today.

00:32:09 Anthony

Enjoy the rest of your days everyone