Embedded Files
00:00:04 Anthony
Hello everybody, my name is Tony.
00:00:08 Brian
I'm Brian.
00:00:10 Anthony
And today we're just going to be talking.
00:00:12 Anthony
A little bit.
00:00:12 Anthony
About how to know what your destination is.
00:00:15 Anthony
And how to get there?
00:00:24 Anthony
How is your day going today, Brian?
00:00:26 Brian
Ah, days going well, it's been productive.
00:00:28 Brian
It's been filled with connections with people and going well, how about you?
00:00:32 Anthony
It's going great. What's one
00:00:34 Anthony
Thing that you did today that made your life a little bit better or more fulfilling.
00:00:38 Brian
Good question.
00:00:39 Brian
I would say spending time with my family.
00:00:41 Brian
Yeah, just connecting.
00:00:42 Brian
How about yourself?
00:00:44 Anthony
Today I had.
00:00:44 Anthony
The chance to go into a we work and just sitting there and just writing I think was super fulfilling.
00:00:51 Anthony
It's something that I I'm passionate about and I feel like gave me a lot of.
00:00:55 Anthony
Energy, so that's one.
00:00:56 Anthony
Thing that made my day.
00:00:57 Anthony
More fulfilling
00:00:59 Brian
Love it, so why don't we just
00:01:00 Anthony
Jump right in?
00:01:01 Anthony
Why don't you go ahead and kick us off?
00:01:03 Anthony
How do you know what your destination is?
00:01:05 Brian
It's a great question.
00:01:06 Brian
I think when I hear the destination, I think about what makes a life worth living and how do we decide what's the destination
00:01:13 Brian
We want to get to? For me, constantly checking in with my day to day where I want to be? Am I aligned with my values? and those are some big things that I like to kind of go back to and just make sure that the decisions I'm making about where I want to go in the future.
00:01:26 Brian
Align with where I am right now and where.
00:01:28 Brian
I want to be. How about you?
00:01:30 Anthony
So that's kind of interesting.
00:01:32 Anthony
I'll get back to what I think there, but.
00:01:34 Anthony
I think it's kind of interesting how you you.
00:01:36 Anthony
Kind of talked a.
00:01:37 Anthony
Little bit more about your present life.
00:01:39 Anthony
More than focusing on.
00:01:41 Anthony
Where you're going
00:01:42 Anthony
In the future, so it almost sounded like you were saying that in order to know where you want to go.
00:01:50 Anthony
You need to be constantly evaluating.
00:01:53 Anthony
What you're doing in the present.
00:01:55 Brian
Yeah, a huge part of life is you only live life in the present moment.
00:01:59 Brian
Futures in the past or ideas and we can only experience them in the in the moment right now.
00:02:05 Brian
Otherwise they're just stories we tell ourselves about what's going to happen or what.
00:02:08 Brian
has happened so.
00:02:10 Brian
Sitting back and taking some lay of the land and figuring out alright.
00:02:15 Brian
Well here I am at this moment right now.
00:02:17 Brian
Am I living in line with the values?
00:02:20 Brian
You know those those are huge once you kind of start picking apart what you want to see happen in your life, then you can begin to start making some plans.
00:02:28 Brian
But yeah, it's all.
00:02:29 Brian
It's all about being in the moment for me.
00:02:31 Anthony
Yeah, so I mean if we are always in the moment then what even is the point of considering what your destination is?
00:02:40 Anthony
Is there a point of considering what your destination is?
00:02:43 Anthony
And where you
00:02:43 Anthony
Want to go or do you think?
00:02:45 Brian
You know, compared to maybe sailing a boat, it's important.
00:02:46 Brian
If you go out on a sailboat.
00:02:49 Brian
And if you have been on the sailboat.
00:02:51 Anthony
Maybe once or twice like years ago, like a little like I don't even know what it's called.
00:02:55 Anthony
Like a sunfish or something like.
00:02:56 Brian
There you go, yeah.
00:02:57 Anthony
That on a small lake.
00:02:58 Brian
It could be.
00:02:59 Brian
I don't know a friend who takes me out.
00:03:01 Brian
It's always.
00:03:01 Brian
A fun time.
00:03:02 Brian
We set a course or sometimes we just explore, but generally you know we have an idea of kind of where we want to get, whether it's just spending time around the sound by us or if we're going to go visit somewhere.
00:03:13 Brian
And then it's all those little things, kind of along the way where we calibrate the instruments and make sure the tools are working right.
00:03:19 Brian
And although we have that destination most of the time is spent chatting and connecting and working on making sure the boats working.
00:03:25 Brian
So we get to that destination.
00:03:27 Anthony
Yeah, I really like that analogy.
00:03:29 Anthony
It's almost you gotta steer the rudder and you gotta be focusing on steering the rudder and and moving the sail.
00:03:35 Anthony
But all that works together to.
00:03:38 Anthony
To move the boat in the direction that you want to go, and I feel like that's a great analogy for your life too.
00:03:43 Anthony
It's like you got to focus on all these different pieces about yourself and what you're doing with yourself in order to get to your destination.
00:03:51 Anthony
But that brings.
00:03:51 Anthony
US back to if you're going to have a boat, you.
00:03:53 Anthony
Should be steering it.
00:03:54 Anthony
Right, so that.
00:03:55 Anthony
Kind of brings us into the nuances of what is.
00:03:57 Anthony
Your destination, how do you know what your destination is?
00:04:00 Anthony
And how do you get there?
00:04:02 Brian
These are big questions, so let's go back to the sailing analogy.
00:04:05 Brian
There's a lot of enjoyment going out on boat reconnecting with nature.
00:04:09 Brian
Or being able to experience that moment with somebody else that I'm out with, and then there's a lot of value in the.
00:04:14 Brian
In the flip side, right?
00:04:15 Brian
And the flip side of setting.
00:04:16 Brian
A course and.
00:04:17 Brian
Being able to go somewhere new that you've never been before, or get somewhere because you have somewhere to be.
00:04:23 Brian
There's a lot of value in both of those, and I think that kind of back to the destination question of how do I know where I want to go and that's.
00:04:31 Anthony
Yeah, no.
00:04:32 Anthony
I totally I.
00:04:33 Anthony
Agree with you that.
00:04:35 Anthony
Life is lived in the present and you need to spend time just connecting with your surroundings and the present moment in general.
00:04:43 Anthony
But on a more practical level, like.
00:04:45 Anthony
Right now, where somewhere or what is something that you want to do or be?
00:04:50 Anthony
In the next, let's say six months.
00:04:53 Brian
Right?
00:04:54 Brian
Why don't we take a minute here?
00:04:55 Brian
Let's each think of something 'cause I I'd be interested to see you know, we're about a generation apart here if our.
00:05:01 Brian
If our directions are similar, if there's overlap, let's let's take a second here, Mull it over.
00:05:06 Brian
Next six months to a year.
00:05:08
OK, yeah and.
00:05:10 Anthony
Yeah, I think.
00:05:10 Anthony
That's a great.
00:05:11 Anthony
It's a great thing.
00:05:11 Anthony
Why isn't the audience as well?
00:05:13 Anthony
Why don't you all take a minute to just think about?
00:05:16 Anthony
Where do you want to be in the next six months if you could?
00:05:18 Anthony
Just appear six months into.
00:05:22 Anthony
The future right now.
00:05:24 Anthony
What does your life look like?
00:05:25 Anthony
What do you want your life to look like?
00:05:44 Anthony
All right then so.
00:05:47 Anthony
You want to go ahead and say, uh?
00:05:49 Brian
I'll kick it
00:05:50 Brian
Off, yeah I think for me I'm going to keep it simple.
00:05:52 Brian
I'm going to say my meditation and mindfulness practice will continue to grow.
00:05:57 Brian
Say I'm gonna come to it for 10 minutes a day a year from now. I'll be sitting down for 1/2 hour a day and being very mindful. I'll say that professionally.
00:06:07 Brian
I'd love to wave my magic wand and have developed.
00:06:09 Brian
A new skill.
00:06:10 Brian
Or have learned something practical that I can take and.
00:06:13 Brian
Whether that's pursuing new some new profession or a new career, I just love to be somewhere a year from now where I have a skill I can point to and say this is something new I've learned and grown from, and then otherwise just friends that will have to be maintaining the friendships and relationships I have now and working on those so they continue to bring more.
00:06:31 Brian
Fulfillment.
00:06:33 Anthony
I really like how you you kind of brought in the different.
00:06:35 Anthony
Spheres of life.
00:06:36 Anthony
You brought in your your friendships, you know your family, your professional life, your spiritual life, and I think that's super important, recognizing that.
00:06:46 Anthony
Life is multifaceted and a lot of times it's easy to hyperfocus on just one category.
00:06:53 Anthony
And honestly I think I was about to do that myself.
00:06:56 Anthony
When I think of my destinations, I think usually I'm thinking more on.
00:07:00 Anthony
The professional side.
00:07:02 Anthony
More on a career development side, which is important...
00:07:05 Anthony
That's why you have to constantly.
00:07:07 Anthony
Constantly be checking all the pieces on the boat.
00:07:09 Anthony
If you're only looking at the sail, the.
00:07:12 Anthony
Rudder isn't going.
00:07:12 Anthony
To be pointing in the right direction, you know you could have a hole in the floor and you're you're letting some.
00:07:17 Anthony
Water in the bottom.
00:07:19 Anthony
So I was going to say, you know, in six months I'd probably like to have a better internship where I'm learning more practical skills so that I could be a more hireable employee for.
00:07:30 Anthony
A marketing firm.
00:07:31 Anthony
So that's where I was going to say in the next 6 months.
00:07:33 Anthony
That's something that I would like to do.
00:07:35 Anthony
That obviously neglects other things.
00:07:38 Anthony
Like your my spiritual side, I should probably continue to meditate more.
00:07:43 Anthony
My physical side maybe working out.
00:07:44 Anthony
I think you missed working out two or eating healthier.
00:07:47 Anthony
So that's a great point for.
00:07:49 Anthony
Choosing your destination.
00:07:50 Anthony
It's a it's a lot of self evaluation.
00:07:52 Brian
Yeah, I think it's interesting when you look at the scope of what it means to be someone in society.
00:07:57 Brian
There's all these expectations about if we're well adjusted member of society, what does that look like?
00:08:04 Brian
And we have all these stories that get kind of.
00:08:06 Brian
Swirled around about.
00:08:07 Brian
Being hyper productive or being hyper successful or hyper healthy right?
00:08:11 Brian
Like all the advertisements you see if you turn on the TV or go online, they're all trying to poke at these little pieces of us and try to find these insecurities within us and all these stories and.
00:08:22 Brian
Narratives, it's interesting having grown and learned in all these new ways.
00:08:27 Brian
I look back on my learning and I just see like those bedrock relationships and the mindfulness pieces and the things that bring me.
00:08:34 Brian
You know real joy and authentic joy, and I separate those out from.
00:08:38 Brian
You know the.
00:08:38 Brian
Superficial stuff that society dictates is what is supposed to be.
00:08:42 Brian
A measure of success, and if you can truly separate yourself from those perceived successes to what really brings you value and success, I think that's a huge first victory in setting a destination.
00:08:54 Anthony
I completely agree with you.
00:08:56 Anthony
I think that it's really easy to kind of just live your life on autopilot and just go with the motions and just let yourself go down the path that is of the least resistance.
00:09:07 Anthony
And so I think that you bring up the point that it should.
00:09:11 Anthony
You should be really constantly checking to see what brings you the most fulfillment.
00:09:15 Anthony
Can make a huge difference in actually knowing where you should be headed because.
00:09:20 Anthony
That way you know what actually makes you happy, and I think that's probably the ultimate goal is to just be as happy as you can be, and I guess that's a whole different conversation over things.
00:09:31 Brian
That would be a big conversation.
00:09:33 Anthony
That would be a whole different.
00:09:34 Anthony
Philosophical conversation, but I do think that it's important to be checking what actually makes you happy.
00:09:41 Anthony
What brings you energy?
00:09:43 Anthony
What's most fulfilling to you in your life and that can help at least guide you in knowing where your destination should be.
00:09:51 Brian
Yeah, I agree.
00:09:52
Let's talk a
00:09:53 Brian
Little bit about fear.
00:09:54 Brian
I think that can play a huge role.
00:09:56 Brian
We can look at the scope of life and kind of why we make decisions or why we set destinations.
00:10:01 Brian
And I have this kind of spectrum that I like.
00:10:03 Brian
To refer back.
00:10:04 Brian
To and it's this like fear and love spectrum.
00:10:07 Brian
And on one side it's I'm making decisions out of fear and on the other side.
00:10:10 Brian
It's I'm making decisions from a place of love or confidence.
00:10:13 Brian
You can call that side whatever you want, but I think the fear one stands for me at least now in that assessment of the next six months to a year.
00:10:21 Brian
You know what bowlds is fear.
00:10:22 Brian
Play in in the way that.
00:10:23 Brian
You make those decisions.
00:10:26 Anthony
So I think fear.
00:10:28 Anthony
Fear definitely plays a role.
00:10:30 Anthony
I don't know if that's.
00:10:31 Anthony
Something that I consciously think about.
00:10:34 Anthony
No, I think I I would need to take a second to kind of think about that.
00:10:38 Anthony
I think most of my my decisions are just made out of.
00:10:43 Anthony
Honestly, I I.
00:10:44 Anthony
Would say most of my.
00:10:45 Anthony
Decisions are made.
00:10:45 Brian
Out of love all right, let's peel that layer back a little bit, 'cause I'm not sure you know.
00:10:49 Brian
I think that's a wonderful thing.
00:10:50 Brian
I'm not sure everyone probably shares that same, you know, fortunate mindset.
00:10:55 Brian
What would you say is the reason that you're making those decisions from the love or confidence or fulfilled side of the spectrum?
00:11:03 Anthony
I would say the main thing that makes me think that my decisions are love is the fact that I think they're kind of outward focused.
00:11:10 Anthony
To an extent.
00:11:12 Anthony
Of course, you need to develop yourself and and be selfish in order to be selfless, like first you got to put your own oxygen mask on first.
00:11:22 Anthony
Before you can help someone else, but I do have an ultimate goal I think of of helping other people and helping as many other people as I.
00:11:30 Anthony
Can so I.
00:11:31 Anthony
Would say that my decisions are mostly out of love.
00:11:33 Anthony
Fear, I think on that you know there's always feel fear of like not being able to support yourself.
00:11:40 Anthony
Those kinds of things and I think in that regard.
00:11:42 Anthony
I think it's important to me to have good finances, so I think that that would be something that comes up more out of fear than love would be just.
00:11:51 Anthony
Is developing my financial status.
00:11:55 Anthony
Or financial standing.
00:11:57 Anthony
But I think you know.
00:11:58 Anthony
Interestingly enough, most of my goals that seem to generate more benefits to other people are out of love.
00:12:06 Brian
That's awesome I.
00:12:07 Brian
Saw Shaquille O'Neal.
00:12:08 Brian
Quoted Jeff Bezos and said, will this help other people?
00:12:11 Brian
How much will help other people?
00:12:13 Brian
And Shaquille said that as soon as he flipped that switch in his entrepreneurship, his businesses took off and his investments to overlap that finance piece took off like.
00:12:21 Brian
They never had.
00:12:22 Brian
Before just putting those other people first and serving other people.
00:12:26 Anthony
Yeah, I think that's a great indicator and a great tool just for the listeners.
00:12:31 Anthony
I think all of you should really consider what are the big decisions in your life or even the little decisions.
00:12:37 Anthony
And are those decisions being made out of fear or love that could also be a great indicator to learn.
00:12:42 Anthony
Maybe where you might need to grow, or where you could consider.
00:12:47 Anthony
Re framing your mindset and that could help with finding a destination.
00:12:51 Anthony
Just giving you giving you some direction on where to start could be huge and getting to where you want to go or figuring out where you want to go.
00:13:00 Anthony
'cause before you can get to where you want to go.
00:13:02 Anthony
You gotta figure out where you want to go.
00:13:04 Anthony
Yeah, so let's say you you come up with something, right?
00:13:07 Anthony
You're the you just you looked at your life.
00:13:10 Anthony
You spend some time evaluating you found out that.
00:13:14 Anthony
You're making your financial decisions out of fear and you want to make them out of love.
00:13:18 Anthony
Or something like that.
00:13:20 Anthony
What do you think is the first steps?
00:13:22 Anthony
Brian, like how do we actually get from A to B?
00:13:26 Brian
I would say the idea of you know understanding.
00:13:29 Brian
Where fearful thoughts come from and how the mind works, right like just starting to study a little bit about things that's a great first step.
00:13:37 Brian
You can live life looking at the menu or you can live life eating the food right?
00:13:41 Brian
Like two different experiences and you can intellectualize a lot by.
00:13:46 Brian
Looking at the menu right like that's one way.
00:13:48 Brian
Or you can cook the dinner and have the experience of maybe making it wrong or putting.
00:13:52 Brian
The wrong ingredient in.
00:13:53 Brian
I think the question is maybe that.
00:13:54 Brian
Maybe a recipe?
00:13:55 Brian
Would be a better example than a menu, but my point is that I think that.
00:14:00 Brian
You need to start with some kind of baseline of getting some ingredients or some recipes or menu together.
00:14:05 Brian
Whatever might be right, get that background knowledge and then there's this transition from kind of learning about why do I feel fear?
00:14:12 Brian
When does fear come in?
00:14:13 Brian
Is it always at the same time you start asking these questions?
00:14:17 Brian
Kind of introspectively.
00:14:18 Brian
How did I get here?
00:14:19 Brian
Is this something that's
00:14:20 Brian
Always been here?
00:14:21 Brian
Or is it something that's new and then you can start building that menu of recipes.
00:14:27 Brian
You get the whole list.
00:14:28 Brian
OK, here's my all the things that bring fear to me.
00:14:31 Brian
Here are all the places that it's most active here.
00:14:33 Brian
Places it's not active.
00:14:35 Brian
And you can start taking that and you'd start to experience other things you could say, yeah, what if I bring in
00:14:40 Brian
What if I learn about a skill here about like another new breathing technique?
00:14:44 Brian
Put that on my menu of things and experiences that I can bring into.
00:14:48 Brian
My day today.
00:14:50 Brian
And then you can start to build on those and you start to slowly pivot away and hopefully get some momentum.
00:14:56 Brian
Away from the fear side.
00:14:58 Brian
Back to that, you know, love and food.
00:15:00 Brian
Not everyone.
00:15:01 Brian
It's not easy for everybody.
00:15:02 Brian
For a lot of people, there's a lot of things that happen in life for a lot or circumstances.
00:15:06 Brian
That might bring people to certain conclusions about life or conclusions about working with other people.
00:15:12 Brian
Or you know conclusions about anything.
00:15:14 Brian
These stories we tell ourselves then it can be hard to get out of that fear state.
00:15:17 Brian
I think there's some things out there that work.
00:15:20 Brian
There's some things that we can certainly talk about and find interesting.
00:15:24 Brian
But yeah, it's I would say about the journey and creating those experiences as a result of the learning and everything that goes into you know if you're diligent about paying attention to the learning and if you can become a learner and a lifelong learner, you can certainly improve the quality of your experience for sure.
00:15:43 Anthony
To reel that back just a little.
00:15:44 Anthony
Bit so.
00:15:47 Anthony
How do you know where you want to go?
00:15:49 Anthony
Basically just really keep evaluating your decisions.
00:15:54 Anthony
Your reflect on your daily life.
00:15:56 Anthony
Ask yourself questions.
00:15:58 Anthony
Is it out of love or hate?
00:16:00 Anthony
Build up a menu as you put it and kind of just decide whether or not you want to.
00:16:07 Anthony
Act on those things and learn from experience or learn intellectually and from what you're saying, it seems like you're kind of geared more towards actually trying these things and see if they're if they're fulfilling to you and going out there.
00:16:21 Anthony
And kind of steering your your life through trial and error.
00:16:25 Anthony
Just you know, try this.
00:16:27 Anthony
Try that learn this learn that see which ones are.
00:16:32 Anthony
Are fearful to.
00:16:33 Anthony
You and see.
00:16:34 Anthony
Which ones are out of love?
00:16:35 Anthony
Go for the ones that.
00:16:36 Anthony
Are out of love or maybe.
00:16:38 Anthony
Ask more questions and figure out why things are.
00:16:42 Anthony
Out of fear and then from there learn to kind of build a road.
00:16:45 Anthony
Map and steer the boat that way.
00:16:47 Brian
Yeah, there's some that you summed.
00:16:50 Brian
It up perfectly, that's impressive.
00:16:51 Brian
I I said a lot there and you you.
00:16:52 Brian
Got a good.
00:16:53 Brian
Good hold on that, I'm impressed.
00:16:55 Brian
I would say the only thing.
00:16:56 Brian
I would have to pick.
00:16:57 Brian
Out of there is something I want to.
00:16:58 Brian
Clear up from.
00:16:59 Brian
Like the perspective of, you know, maybe some of my learning experiences is to go back to another spectrum concept, right?
00:17:05 Brian
There's like this experiential piece.
00:17:07 Brian
And then there's the knowledge piece, and I don't think they need to be exclusive.
00:17:10 Brian
I think they kind of work together and at times you're going to flow towards.
00:17:13 Brian
Wow, this is really something that makes.
00:17:15 Brian
Feel might feel.
00:17:16 Brian
Overwhelming and I'm not ready to experience that, but maybe I did.
00:17:18 Brian
My toe via, you know studying or reading or playing around with it and then other times you've read.
00:17:24 Brian
You know my experience.
00:17:25 Brian
I've read so many books on something it's like OK, well, I I can only know so much more before I actually go out and do it.
00:17:31 Brian
So I think that that's more of a spectrum, and you know, coming from my experience, but for.
00:17:35 Brian
Someone else it might be different.
00:17:37 Anthony
Fair enough, I think that's a great point.
00:17:39 Anthony
Yeah, knowledge and actually experience definitely go hand in hand and I think you know a lot of that just comes down to your personality.
00:17:48 Anthony
Some people can can learn a lot.
00:17:51 Anthony
And maybe even learn better through reading, while some other people might learn better through actually going out there and experiencing things.
00:17:58 Anthony
I think again, all of this is a personal experience so.
00:18:02 Anthony
These are just suggestions.
00:18:03 Anthony
These are all just ideas.
00:18:05 Anthony
This is all for you to take, consider and decide what makes most sense for you.
00:18:10 Anthony
You know this is a very.
00:18:11 Anthony
It's all a very personal experience.
00:18:16 Anthony
Back to the point.
00:18:17 Anthony
How do you get from A to B?
00:18:19 Anthony
Well, you want to talk a little bit about setting goals, Brian?
00:18:24 Brian
Sure, absolutely you know we talked a little bit about the different departments or different areas of our life.
00:18:30 Brian
We can set goals in.
00:18:31 Brian
And I think they're all important.
00:18:33 Brian
I think creating a system that's great for goals.
00:18:37 Brian
So we have this broad, huge vision of what we want to see in our life.
00:18:40 Brian
So we sit down and we say OK, and let's find 5 areas.
00:18:44 Brian
We're just sitting here.
00:18:44 Brian
It's fine.
00:18:45 Brian
Five years we want to set.
00:18:46 Brian
Goals in, that are different that don't overlap, and we'll say we're going to pick a timeline.
00:18:52 Brian
So smart goals.
00:18:53 Brian
I'm sure some of you have heard of it, some of you
00:18:55 Brian
Haven't, but there's this.
00:18:57 Brian
Great framework, that's kind of overarching where Smart Goals, which is.
00:19:01
You pick a.
00:19:01 Brian
Specific goal.
00:19:03 Brian
That you can measure.
00:19:04 Brian
It's something that's attainable and realistic, and there's a timetable on when you're going to finish it.
00:19:09 Brian
Is that right?
00:19:10 Brian
Did I get that?
00:19:12 Anthony
I believe that's right, yeah?
00:19:14 Brian
OK, someone will correct me in the comments.
00:19:16 Brian
Hopefully if that's not right.
00:19:17 Brian
But we have this framework now that when we set goals we can use this framework for creating goals that make sense, right?
00:19:24 Brian
Because there's a.
00:19:25 Brian
Difference between being busy and being productive, and I think that's a huge thing, right? Like we can sit here and say in the year I want to make $100 million right now, that's great. Like it's not specific. It's not very measurable, it is measurable.
00:19:37 Brian
But you know, not in the sense of how do we get there as attainable, realistic all those things, right?
00:19:42 Brian
Like I think that's a terrible goal to set.
00:19:45 Brian
It's not a bad vision to have for what you might want to see happen in your life.
00:19:49 Brian
But when we start setting goals, you know we want to say, OK, well, I haven't made $1000 yet.
00:19:53 Brian
If I'm going to make 100 million I'll have to make my first thousand, so let's sit here and create a goal for just talking about. You know financially or career wise. My goal is in.
00:20:03 Brian
Six months I will have created some kind of project or some kind of service or product, whatever it might be that will generate $1000 by XY or Z means right?
00:20:14 Brian
And these are the ways we're going to do it.
00:20:16 Brian
So I think we start setting goals using a smart goal framework.
00:20:19 Brian
And that'll be, you know, that's the easiest way to to get going of actually seeing the results and being able to.
00:20:24 Brian
Measure six months.
00:20:25 Brian
Maybe you don't hit that goal.
00:20:27 Brian
You know not every goal you're going to hit, and that's.
00:20:28 Brian
Good, I think some goals.
00:20:29 Brian
Should be stretch goals, not the 100.
00:20:31 Brian
$1,000,000 here but the 1000.
00:20:34 Brian
Dollars could be a stretch goal.
00:20:35 Brian
Maybe you've never made any money, and that's that's a great start, right?
00:20:37 Brian
Maybe you you can easily make.
00:20:39 Brian
That, and that's not a.
00:20:40 Brian
That's not a great goal for you, but setting some goals that are a little bit challenging.
00:20:44 Brian
Setting some goals that are super challenging, maybe you know you struggle socially and maintaining friendships and relationships.
00:20:49 Brian
Is tough for you.
00:20:50 Brian
So you want to set a smart goal around maintaining relationships.
00:20:53 Brian
Maybe just connecting with someone you haven't connected for a while is intimidating.
00:20:58 Brian
You know to you, and that's something that you would say alright.
00:21:01 Brian
Well, it's going to be hard for me 'cause it's something I've struggled with in the past, but here's my plan to reconnect and not only reconnect, but maybe build a build a relationship or start working towards that.
00:21:12 Brian
So kind of knowing.
00:21:13 Brian
Which department you want to be in?
00:21:15 Brian
Let's just recap, right.
00:21:16 Brian
We have like a overarching kind of.
00:21:18 Brian
5 domains we want to set some goals in and we bring in a framework and in each of those domains we start using a framework to set goals that are measurable and we can check in on and maybe halfway through the process.
00:21:31 Brian
We say, alright
00:21:32 Brian
Well, I don't need to wait the full six months.
00:21:34 Brian
Clearly this isn't working.
00:21:36 Brian
You know how,
00:21:36 Brian
How can I modify it along the way?
00:21:38 Brian
So those are my.
00:21:39 Brian
Those are my initial thoughts kind.
00:21:40 Brian
Of downloaded here what do you got?
00:21:44 Anthony
Yeah, I like it I.
00:21:45 Anthony
I think that was all very, very important things to talk about so but just to recap the first step that we've had here, you know, how do you know what your destination is?
00:21:56 Anthony
How do you get there well?
00:21:58 Anthony
Uhm, first you got to evaluate yourself, you know look, look at yourself.
00:22:03 Anthony
Figure out are your actions out of love are
your actions out of hate?
00:22:07 Anthony
Figure out what makes you happy, what's fulfilling to you, and then once you kind of can figure out where you want your ship to go, or which direction and you kind of know which tools you're working with.
00:22:19 Anthony
Then you can start setting some goals, some smart goals.
00:22:23 Anthony
And start actually getting a timeline on getting to.
00:22:28 Anthony
Your destination, I mean your destination doesn't necessarily have to be specific.
00:22:32 Anthony
You as long as.
00:22:33 Anthony
You know, kind of.
00:22:35 Anthony
What's making you more fulfilled?
00:22:37 Anthony
That in itself is a destination.
00:22:40 Anthony
And using Smart goals actually makes it a little more.
00:22:43 Anthony
Clear cut so.
00:22:43 Anthony
Now you have you have a way to actually tangibly describe how you're going to do that, and you know you can see progress as you go.
00:22:53 Anthony
If you're creating something, or if you want to make $20,000, I don't know if you gave a figure, but in six months you want to make something or create a project.
00:23:01 Anthony
Now you can actually start tracking your progress through your smart goals.
00:23:06 Anthony
And now you're.
00:23:07 Anthony
Getting closer to your destination.
00:23:09 Anthony
So just like that, I think that sums it up.
00:23:12 Anthony
That's how you figure out what a destination is or where your destination is and how to get there.
00:23:16 Anthony
You set some goals and start working on it.
00:23:19 Brian
There's another piece that's really interesting, as we sit here and talk about it.
00:23:22 Brian
I have so many thoughts that bounce in my head.
00:23:24 Brian
But I think there's a caution here.
00:23:27 Brian
It's that when you set a goal or you have, you know some kind of you say out loud like oh when XY or Z time.
00:23:35 Brian
I'm going to accomplish, you know, a, B, or C that actually can trick your brain into believing that you've already completed the goal.
00:23:41 Brian
There's a positive and negative that there's if you can have the right mindset.
00:23:44 Brian
Here that you're going to set goals, but that's not enough for you.
00:23:47 Brian
Not just having the goal you want.
00:23:49 Brian
It to feel good.
00:23:50 Brian
That's important because it motivates you to keep going, but you have to be careful that you're not satisfied with.
00:23:55 Brian
Just having the goal.
00:23:56 Brian
It's the process that comes after it that that's where the real value is here, and it can be really easy because our brains can just be so tricked into feeling like we've set the goal.
00:24:05 Brian
It's success now.
00:24:07 Brian
I'm kind of satisfied.
00:24:08 Brian
So it's good.
00:24:09 Brian
But we have to be careful not to get tripped on it.
00:24:11 Anthony
Agreed.
00:24:12 Anthony
It can be tough the.
00:24:14 Anthony
Fear of deciding where you want to go and what you want to do.
00:24:18 Anthony
Who you want to be and how do you know that you're headed in the right direction?
00:24:22 Anthony
I think these are also kind of big questions once.
00:24:25 Anthony
Maybe you set those goals.
00:24:27 Anthony
There can be a fear of just of the future, and so maybe you have something to add on to that.
00:24:35 Brian
The human brain is a funny, funny thing, right?
00:24:38 Brian
The idea of why people.
00:24:41 Brian
Might not be ready to make decisions.
00:24:43 Brian
Right, there's a whole.
00:24:44 Brian
Whole industry, a
00:24:45 Brian
Whole science, there's a whole and then you could spend your whole life just studying one piece of that.
00:24:49 Brian
Right and often scientists will.
00:24:51 Brian
There'll be a social psychologist, or, you know anthropologists and they'll study people in very specific ways.
00:24:58 Brian
Some of the ways that kind of pop into my head.
00:25:01 Brian
First of, you know why
00:25:02 Brian
Why fear might be holding you back?
00:25:04 Brian
Brandon just kind of circles back to some of the old old standbys.
00:25:07 Brian
We've already talked about, right?
00:25:08 Brian
We have these patterns in our head that.
00:25:11 Brian
Keep us safe.
00:25:13 Brian
They say, you know, do this because it'll keep you safe and sometimes those are natural.
00:25:17 Brian
They pop up right away.
00:25:18 Brian
You don't even think about it.
00:25:19 Brian
They they're just there to keep.
00:25:20 Brian
You safe and other times it's more deliberate decision that you sit down and make a pros and cons list and maybe as a result of that there's reason to be afraid, right?
00:25:29 Brian
Like I don't think either of us are sitting here advocating make a goal, go for it and everything twice and you know, like you're going to be fine, right?
00:25:36 Brian
Like I think there is, there is.
00:25:38 Brian
A value in.
00:25:38 Brian
Fear and you know it's the classic cliche and.
00:25:41 Brian
In human development, like you know, the tiger in the Bush, right?
00:25:44 Brian
Like the humans who are afraid of the noise in the Bush, ran away.
00:25:47 Brian
Whether it was a tiger or not, and the ones who weren't, you know, checked it out and you know sometimes there's a.
00:25:53 Brian
There's an advantage of coming towards your fear and other times.
00:25:56 Brian
That that tiger is real and.
00:25:58 Brian
That's the end of your jeans, right?
00:25:59 Brian
So it's a there's a little bit of value in fear as well.
00:26:03 Brian
I think the key here is right not to.
00:26:04 Brian
Get tripped on.
00:26:05 Brian
That is, once you start recognizing that some fears are valid and some fears are not, and you know for everybody that's different, I wouldn't.
00:26:12 Brian
Encourage anyone to start examining, maybe why.
00:26:15 Brian
You have those.
00:26:16 Brian
Fears you know, and that might be a good first step for kind of breaking the spell if there's a fear keeping you from getting to where you want to go.
00:26:24
Well I have.
00:26:24 Brian
Plenty of fears that I go back to and confront and have to renegotiate from time to time.
00:26:30 Brian
Sometimes they're daily, sometimes once a year they pop up and I constantly ask myself.
00:26:34 Brian
OK, is this something that's valid?
00:26:36 Brian
Is it something that's makes sense in the moment here, or is this just something that's you know, artifact from a from Brian life at 10 years ago?
00:26:44 Brian
And I'm over time past that I've grown out of that and.
00:26:47 Brian
There's no need for this fear anymore.
00:26:49 Anthony
I don't know I.
00:26:50 Anthony
Don't know if I.
00:26:51 Anthony
Can completely agree.
00:26:52 Anthony
With that, I think sometimes I think sometimes.
00:26:56 Anthony
Asking yourself why you may have a fear or.
00:27:00 Anthony
Even in general.
00:27:01 Anthony
Asking yourself why too much can actually be crippling.
00:27:04 Anthony
I think sometimes it's sometimes that can lead to overthinking, with which I think might might hinder goals more than.
00:27:14 Anthony
Than anything else, again, it depends on the person, but I think sometimes getting too meta and getting in your own mind can actually prevent action.
00:27:22 Anthony
So I think.
00:27:22 Anthony
That's something to be aware of and.
00:27:24 Anthony
Like that again, that's that also depends.
00:27:26 Anthony
On the individual.
00:27:27 Anthony
So I think for some people, like if you know you're over thinker, then maybe it's better for you not to ask yourself why and to just.
00:27:34 Anthony
Just try it and see what happens.
00:27:36 Anthony
You know, try and push through that.
00:27:38 Anthony
I mean, I like the tiger analogy and.
00:27:41 Anthony
I agree with.
00:27:41 Anthony
You that of course there are rational fears.
00:27:45 Anthony
You, I mean you should.
00:27:47 Anthony
You should be making sure that you're not doing anything that's going to put you in harm's way.
00:27:52 Anthony
Or anything too, like brash but.
00:27:56 Anthony
In today's society for.
00:27:58 Anthony
The most part.
00:27:59 Anthony
The things that you're you may be afraid of, or that you're afraid of trying.
00:28:04 Anthony
You won't be put in any significant danger.
00:28:07 Anthony
So I think that I would lean towards saying that.
00:28:11 Anthony
It's better to push past fears.
00:28:14 Anthony
And just try things and then learn from experience.
00:28:18 Anthony
If you're afraid to go out to the store or to.
00:28:20 Anthony
Go, you know it doesn't even matter.
00:28:22 Anthony
It could be as simple as.
00:28:23 Anthony
Something as like going up and asking someone for a napkin or a cup of water.
00:28:28 Anthony
You know, there's there's all kinds of fears, and those type of things I think usually it's better to just try.
00:28:33 Anthony
And push through your fear.
00:28:35 Anthony
Get out of that comfort zone and then maybe maybe it was irrational fear and you learn that afterwards, but you know what?
00:28:42 Anthony
You'll probably be.
00:28:43
Be fine.
00:28:44 Brian
Yeah, I mean one of the.
00:28:45 Brian
Most effective therapies out there is exposure therapy.
00:28:49 Brian
The sooner you can, I believe the science.
00:28:51 Brian
Something happened in your life and that's scaring you.
00:28:53 Brian
The faster you can confront it and get back in the game sooner, you'll get over it and the less likely it is to kind of linger and create those ingrained pathways in your brain.
00:29:03 Anthony
Absolutely, and you know, I think if something scared you and you it happens to you once, I haven't see twice or even three times.
00:29:09 Anthony
By the third time comes.
00:29:10 Anthony
Around you're gonna be like Oh well I know how to handle this.
00:29:12 Anthony
I've done that already.
00:29:13 Anthony
I've done that a couple times already.
00:29:15 Anthony
So fears I think fears can be worked around.
00:29:19 Anthony
And I think from the fear of deciding where you want to be.
00:29:24 Anthony
Or the fear
00:29:25 Anthony
Of deciding your destination, that's just like.
00:29:28 Anthony
Every other fear.
00:29:29 Anthony
First, you gotta do it.
00:29:30 Anthony
Decide, decide the destination and then.
00:29:34 Anthony
If it doesn't work out well, then you gotta do it again and then if it doesn't work out, do it again and then eventually you're going to be a pro.
00:29:37
Check with this week.
00:29:42 Anthony
You're going to know you're gonna know exactly how to steal that sailboat.
00:29:46 Brian
I like it.
00:29:48 Anthony
I think that's I think that's a great way to end.
00:29:50 Anthony
Do you have anything else?
00:29:51 Anthony
To add there, Brian.
00:29:52 Brian
No, I think we're definitely not therapists or psychologists, so you know, take everything we say with a.
00:29:58 Brian
Grain of salt, yeah.
00:29:59 Brian
I love the positivity and I think that's.
00:30:01 Brian
There's some great insights.
00:30:03 Anthony
Yeah, I love the positivity too.
00:30:05 Anthony
Yeah, just we're just two guys who.
00:30:09 Anthony
We just like to.
00:30:10 Anthony
Talk about this kind of stuff.
00:30:11 Anthony
These kind of things and and read about it.
00:30:13 Anthony
So of course, take it with a grain of salt.
00:30:16 Anthony
Hope this is more of a, uh, thinking activity.
00:30:18 Anthony
It's like a think tank.
00:30:19 Anthony
I would say so.
00:30:21 Anthony
Consider what we have to say.
00:30:22 Anthony
If you like it, run with it.
00:30:24 Anthony
You don't, that's no problem.
00:30:26 Brian
Yeah, I'd love to hear everybody's thoughts too. I think you know, in a perfect world we could.
00:30:30 Brian
You know, have a community here where we'd engage with people and it's not, uh, just us two talking.
00:30:34 Brian
We'd be having discussions and other people could be apart of those.
00:30:37 Brian
And so if you have someone to say you know through a comment down, or just find a way to engage with us, we'd love to hear from you.
00:30:44 Anthony
And if you have any ideas for another episode, or if you have something that you would like to hear us talk about, let us know and we'll.
00:30:51 Anthony
We'll definitely make that happen.
00:30:54 Brian
OK.
00:30:54 Anthony
All right, and for our engagement activity.
00:30:57 Anthony
But we each share one thing that we're grateful for, and then we'll close.
00:31:01 Anthony
Off close off the episode.
00:31:03 Brian
You wanna kick us off?
00:31:05 Anthony
Let's say I'm I'm very grateful.
00:31:08 Anthony
They're just having a family that cares about me.
00:31:11 Anthony
That's that's around.
00:31:12 Anthony
No, just just having a family that's around, it's something that.
00:31:16 Anthony
I think about every day I'm impacted it by it every day and it's something that I'm.
00:31:21 Anthony
I'll constantly be grateful for so.
00:31:25 Brian
I love it.
00:31:25 Anthony
Brian?
00:31:26 Brian
Yeah, I love it.
00:31:27 Brian
Love it for me I would say obviously families in there and friends and look pops in my head when I think about being grateful is you know, second chances you know learning from mistakes to you.
00:31:37 Brian
Know circle back around.
00:31:38 Brian
I think about mistakes I've made and things I've learned.
00:31:41 Brian
Isn't just grateful that I can.
00:31:43 Brian
The people around me that have helped me through those, you know, learning experiences and looking back and having those learning experiences to move forward with.
00:31:51 Brian
So yeah, living life and all the ups and.
00:31:53 Brian
The downs
00:31:55 Anthony
I love that I.
00:31:56 Anthony
Think second chances is a is a great choice.
00:32:00 Brian
Everybody at home.
00:32:01 Brian
Make sure you think of something to be grateful for.
00:32:04 Anthony
All right, I hope that leaves everybody on a better note than we started today.
00:32:09 Anthony
Enjoy the rest of your days everyone
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse