Am I a Failure?

Important Concept #1: You are most certainly not a failure and you’ll learn why here.

Although it’s obvious, it serves a purpose here to state that there will be many moments in life where we’ll experience failure.

Important Concept #2: Failure Is Relative.

What we consider failure is different for everyone. For a high-performing student, a 92 on a test may be considered a monumental failure, while for another student that would be a very positive outcome. For a high-performing associate, missing the quarterly goal by a tenth of a percent may be catastrophic, while for another that may just be an outcome that comes with the job. A relationship breakup for one person may be a welcomed end while to someone else it’s another failure in a long string of disappointments. We all create stories around the experiences in our lives. The decision of what constitutes a failure lies within each of us.

So you got an F on your final, suffered a breakup, or lost your job? You’re feeling like a failure and start getting feelings like “I can’t do this” or “what if I get rejected”? Here is where the magic of mindset comes in. It is possible to experience a failure without identifying as a failure yourself.

Important Concept #3: Failing and “Being a Failure” are much different.

The qualities that make us who we are, become our personal identity. These beliefs may include things such as “I am kind”, “I am smart”, “I am a good friend”, or even “I am a good cook”. It’s necessary to separate any perceived failures from your personal identity because when you believe “I am a failure” those negative feelings can impact how you experience life. The inverse is also true with positive feelings which is why affirmations are so powerful.

Important Concept #4: The faster you accept, the faster you move on

There is a lot of value in reframing failure as a learning experience. When I was interning as a student teacher back in college, I had a miserable experience. I blamed everyone but myself for any feedback that wasn’t positive. But the blame for any struggles I had was completely on me. I was resistant to accept feedback as I thought any criticism I received was an attack on me as a person. Any negative feedback made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I had worked hard to avoid all failures up to that point in my life. But it was impossible not to experience failures during student teaching. I didn’t have the skills to accept my shortcomings, listen to the skilled teachers I was working with, and learn from them.

Failures are treasure troves of value. Most learning in life comes after we have failed. When we see failures as challenges we’re experiencing in a moment, we can move past the negative feelings much faster and allow them to become a teachable moment.

Important Concept #5: Dwelling is a waste of time

What is your natural response to a failure? Do you feel bad for yourself or feel you deserve to be punished for failing? There are only two possible courses of action when you fail. You can either solve the problem or hold on to the pain.

Action 1: Let go of the pain. If you hurt someone, apologize and don’t repeat the behavior. If you fail a test, study harder on the next one. If you didn’t get the job you wanted, it may have been for the best. When one door closes another one opens.

Action 2: Take action. Although there can be value in feeling pain or remorse, dwelling won’t help anyone. Life is too short to feel bad for yourself so take action and move on.

Conclusion

You are not a failure. You are going to experience failures. The skill of embracing failure as a learning opportunity is one of the most useful skills you can have in your toolbox.

If you’re interested in learning more check out our podcast episode “Lessons in Success and Failure” on Spotify or Apple.